Am I in heaven, on earth, or in hell?
Sleeping or waking?
Mad or well advised?
Known to all these, and yet to myself disguised?
I'll say as they say, and persevere so, and in this mist at all adventures go.

Friday, October 19, 2007
new house? new home?

life is complicated.
I was driving home in this driving rain, taking turns that I've long memorized. I use the short cuts that the locals know, even the bitchy ones like the extra lane in sherwood.
martin way onramp to 1-5, 1-5 to 99w...then
I took hwy 18, because I always do.
I took the second exit to mcminnville, because I always do.

And once I got to the stop sign, I realized that I don't live there anymore.
And I cried, but only a little bit.
So I drove back to mom's store and popped in to use the restroom and also to follow her to this place I've never been before that I'm now supposed to refer to as home.
And I guess it is home. My family is here. It doesn't feel weird to rummage through closets or to hang out in my pajamas. I felt totally ok ditching my keys, phone, and wallet on the table. My jacket is in the entryway closet.
The furniture fits better into this new house. It looks Classy, with that capital C. It looks a little like Grandma's...but I wont tell mom that.
I just don't know about this place.
It doesn't feel like home.
It doesn't feel like I live here.
And I don't. So maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it'll help me move out more completely. Help me compartmentalize my life between my family and my husband to be a bit more.
I'm just not too sure about this place.
I don't have to be.

(your forever indecisive)

Posted at 09:30 pm by obsidian


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Name: Alicia
Hometown: McMinnville
Status: disillusioned

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